This is a Test

 

          Do you remember back when T.V. had only 3 channels and was even in black and white? Every once in a while there came over the air a long continuous beep with a voice that said, “This is a test, this is only a test, this is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System, this is only a test.”

          I recently had a trial in which this saying kept coming to mind. It all started when I hit my head hard enough that I needed staples and a tetanus shot, OUCH! While waiting on the doctor I thought, “Oh, I get it, this is only a test!” Being some miles away from home with my husband not being able to get there, I would have to endure this alone. Also I would have to trust and have faith only in God and His comfort.

                             This is a test, this is only a test.

          A few days later, I noticed a lump on my neck and another one on the place where I had the tetanus shot. I promptly went to my personal doctor, who told me I was having an allergic reaction to the tetanus shot. She also sent me for blood work and a mammogram. Two days later, I received a call from the hospital radiology department. A very rude and abrupt monotone voice said, “There is a suspicious area on your mammogram. Come in on Monday for another one.” I was in shock, fear, and anger over this news. Especially with the person over the phone, who had absolutely no compassion in telling a woman she might have breast cancer.

          Then I hear in my mind, “This is a test, this is only a test.” After I calmed down about two hours later, I realized I was very angry with the person on the phone, and that this was the test. Am I going to allow un-forgiveness of this person come between me and God?

          Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15, if you do not forgive other your Father in heaven will not forgive you. The last thing I want during this trial is to put space between me and God. I said Father forgive her, she does not know what she is doing. For this person it is just another boring, routine day at work and she is not considering just how the words she speaks affect those she speaks to.

          Jesus said these same words when He was experiencing the worst possible day of His life. In Luke 23:34-38, Jesus while hanging on the cross, bleeding and in pain, looked out at the people and saw some dividing His clothes, some sneering at him and some mocking Him. They said, “He saved others let Him save Himself.” Jesus did not reply to them, but said “Father forgive them they do not know what they are doing.”

          WOW! Not only is it hard to forgive while you are wreathing in pain from someone’s inflicted injury, Jesus forgave even while they were still afflicting Him. Jesus was dying for the forgiveness of all the world’s sins and could not have un-forgiveness come between Him and God. Even in His deepest pain He chose to forgive. If I want to be like Jesus, I must forgive even while I’m in pain.

                             This is a test, this is only a test.

          After I settled the account of un-forgiveness a war of confusion came over me, with Bible verses battling the reality of the news I heard. I thought, “what if I have cancer?” The Spirit said, “You can do all things through Him who strengthens you!” Philippians 4:13. I thought, “What if I have I have to endure many months of physical and mental pain?” The Spirit said, “I gave you wings to fly up above all this.” Isaiah 40:31. I thought, “What if I die?” The Spirit said, “Live one day at a time, and don’t worry about tomorrow.” Matthew 6:34.

                             This is a test, this is only a test.

          There were three more days until the next mammogram. During that time I learned firsthand Isaiah 26:3, “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You.” As long as I kept thinking about God through prayer, music and Bible study, I was in complete peace! It kept my trust in God that He knew what He was doing.

          Finally the day came when I had the mammogram and even a sonogram which came back negative. Praise God! I don’t understand everything God does or why He does it, but one thing I am learning is to trust Him when things are good and when things are bad.

                             This is a test, this is only a test.

 

         


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